Happy Number 6 Caedon!!

I remember what I was doing at this time exactly 6 years ago. I was rocking in the hospital rocking chair, squeezing your Daddy's hand and trying to breathe through the pain. I was trying to calmly tell myself that this would soon be over and the reward, my new son, would be worth the pain I was going through. Six hours later, it was over and you were here.

Our first child was here. Life hasn't been the same since. Life has felt harder and more difficult than ever before. The world is a scarier place than I ever thought it could be. My desire to put you in a protective bubble gets stronger everyday. I would do anything to keep you from feeling pain...ANYTHING! At the same time, life has also never felt more full, complete, wonderful, funny, and amazing since you've been here. When I get to see the world through your eyes, everything seems brighter, more exciting and I am awestruck.

You are so smart and come up with the most amazing things everyday. Just the other day, you and your brother were discussing how "real" and "actual" meant the same thing. Then you quipped, "Yes, but the word actual doesn't flow well with the word school, so I'm going to say my real school, not my actual school." This morning, your Grandma Renee called to wish you a Happy Birthday and Gavin was interrupting you as you talked to her. Finally, you told Grandma to hold on and found out what Gavin wanted. Then, you calmly said to Grandma, "Ok, where were we? My brother just interrupted our talk." Excuse me, when did you turn into a little man and what happened to my baby boy?

Six seems so old. You are not in your "first five" anymore. You are not a preschooler. I've joked with you so many times this year that you need to stop here, just stay five forever. But, you keep on growing up with such determination, just like you do everything! You are a school-ager now. Your kindergarten teacher told us that you are doing so well in school and not having transition problems at all. Once again, you have surprised me with your ability to grow and change.

Your Daddy and I quite frequently find ourselves looking at each other, shaking our heads as we laugh at this crazy brood of kids we are raising. We have a bustling, crazy, chaotic household most days. But, we wouldn't trade this life for anything else. We have a beautiful bunch of kids and you are the leader of the pack! Life would not be complete without you Caedon. Our family wouldn't be complete without you! Now that I'm looking back at myself in that rocker six years ago, I would tell myself with all certainty to push through because the reward is SO WORTH IT!!!!

Happy Birthday Boo Bah! I love you more than the whole world!

Love is in the Mundane

Several of the "mom bloggers" that I read always post a special "Love Thursday" post on Thursdays. I'm new enough to the blogging world that I haven't been able to find the origins, but I love the concept. So, I thought I would offer up my own Love Thursday post.

Love can be displayed through grandiose gestures and it has been in my life many times. Family vacations, special gifts, songs written just for me, to name a few. But, I realize that most of the love that seeps through is in the mundane parts of life.

Last night, the boys were up too late and they were tired. Dan and I were trying to muster the energy to start the bedtime routine, but also relishing in the quiet moments with them. As they both told Dan about their time at the fountain and the bee in Caedon's hair, I was overcome with how much I love these boys, how my life would not be complete without them. They both leaned over a few times to tell me that they loved me and give me a big hug. We laughed about silly jokes. It was lovely. Looking in from the outside, it didn't appear to be anything special, but it was a moment where God grabbed my heart and reminded me that I'm right in the middle of a love story.

There are so many worries in life and so much to fret over. I can be the queen of worrying and fretting. Yet, as I was reminded last night and virtually all the time, I have nothing to complain or fret over. I have an amazing husband who works hard for his family and challenges himself to be a better man all the time (he's already the best man I know). I have 3 of the most awesomely made children ever. Sure, they bicker and fight and even Aislynn can talk back to me in her own little baby language. But, they know how to love, I've seen them show great compassion and I already see the footprints of God all over their little hearts. And I have a God who is ever-patient and gracious with me and continues to grab my heart and remind me that I am part of the greatest, most masterfully planned love story of all time.

Happy Love Thursday everyone. Hope you are able to find love in the most mundane moments of your day.

This Little Piggy

Has it really been almost 2 months since I last posted? My hubby keeps nagging me to write some stories down, but I've just been so busy. I finished up my job as Preschool Director on June 16th and have been enjoying being a full-time stay at home mom all while looking for another part-time job. This is not really the economy to be looking for a part-time, well-paying job, by the way.

Anyway, I wanted to share a cute little story with the blog world. The other morning, Gavin and Aislynn were sitting with me on the couch. I was playing with Aislynn's toes and reciting the "Little Piggy" rhyme. Gavin decided he wanted to do it too. Here's how his rhyme went:

Gavin: This little piggy (the big toe) stayed home.

Mom: Isn't that the piggy that goes to the market?

Gavin: No...the big toe is the Daddy toe and Daddies don't go shopping. They stay home.

Gavin: This little piggy goes to the market (the next toe). This little piggy had NO ROAST BEEF (middle toe).

Mom: I thought that was the one that did eat roast beef.

Gavin: No, Caedon doesn't like meat. The next toe eats the roast beef. And this little piggy (the pinky toe) goes "WaaWaaWaa" all the way home because that's Aislynn and she's a baby.

Apparently, the members of our family can be summed up in the 5 Little Piggies rhyme. I promise to write more of the wonderful and witty things that my children say soon.

Family Beach Trip

Our family took a day trip to Cannon Beach yesterday. It was Aislynn's first trip. She loved the sand, even tasted it a few times (YUCK!). We had a great time!!

The Depth of Gavin's Love

Every night...no that's not accurate...several times a day, Gavin and I have the following discussion:

G: Mom, I love you.

M: I love you too, Gavin.

G: I love you the most.

M: I love you the most too.

G: I love you better than the most.

M: OK...

G: I love you better than the mostest most!!!!!

M: OK, Gavin.

So the other night, I was taken off guard when I kissed Gavin goodnight and he didn't start with the normal banter. Instead he whispered to me:

G: Mommy, come here. I have to tell you somefin.

M: Yes, Gavin?

G: (Long pause) I love you more than God, but don't tell Him...it will hurt His feelings!

What a sweet boy I've got!

Life is Fragile

These last few weeks I've been wrestling with the fragility of life. The same day that we were celebrating Gavin's 4th year of life, these amazing parents were losing their baby (www.remembermaddie.com). The Spohrs have been on my mind a lot lately. Their beautiful baby girl was healthy and happy on Sunday, and then gone on Tuesday. It is scary. I want to hold my babies all night long. I want to do whatever is in my power to make sure that they all outlive me. But, it is not up to me.

Thinking about Maddie so much has really caused me to think about God. It is easy to believe that heaven is there and that God is waiting for us when we are not being faced with death. Or more importantly, when we are not losing a child to death. I know that this life is temporary for all of us. I believe with all my heart that God has a better place for us...that his son has died to make that place available to us. I know in my heart that as much as I love my kids, my beautiful babies, my love fails in comparison to the God that created them. And so, I am forced to remember that the God that loves me, the Jesus that died for me, loves the children that leave this world seemingly too soon.

So, my heart is with the Spohrs, even though I only know them through the blog world. And even as I cry now writing this and my heart aches for Maddie's parents who are forced to find a way in this life without her, I can also see her in my heart. She is with the One who created her, the one who loves her more than Mike and Heather could. I hope to meet Maddie someday. In the meantime, I know that she is lighting up heaven with that beautiful smile of hers.

Happy 4th Birthday Gavin!!

I still remember meeting you for the first time...when they put you right up on my stomach. You settled in, took deep breaths, and grabbed onto my finger. We stayed like that for awhile.

You had a really bad case of acid reflux when you were a baby. It took 4 months and a trip to the Feeding Disorder Clinic at Emmanuel Children's Hospital to finally diagnose you. Basically, it hurt every time you would eat, so you would only eat about an ounce and then start screaming and writhing around. Within about 1/2 hour, you'd be hungry again and we'd start the process all over again. My heart was breaking for you everyday...I didn't want you to hurt and I couldn't make it better. They put you on Zantac at 4 months which lessened the problem, but didn't cure it and then when you started sitting up at 6 months, it miraculously fixed itself. Your personality did a complete turnaround.

You were such a happy baby after that. You loved to watch your brother play around you and desperately wanted to join in. Caedon pretty much ignored you for the first few months of your life, but once you started sitting up and laughing, he suddenly took in interest in you. He would bring you toys to play with and get right in your face and smile at you. You would laugh and laugh at him.

When you were about 2 1/2 years old, you developed a stubborn streak. You had been pretty even tempered up to that point, but all of the sudden, you wanted everything to be your way. You are like that to this day. You will argue with us until we finally back down and then, only once you have "won" the argument, you'll look at us and say, "Actually, I think you were right." Even though you are the younger brother, you hold your own with Caedon. You are best friends and love to be around each other. In fact, when one of you is gone, the other one isn't quite sure what to do with themselves. Even though you love to be with each other all the time, you still fight A LOT. It can be pretty draining on Mommy and Daddy, but I'm still so happy that you two are so close in age and so tight with each other. You will always have an advocate and friend to confide in.

You are such an amazing big brother to Aislynn. The two of you have a special bond. You take the extra time to get down on her level and play with her and make faces for her. She just adores you and gets sad when you leave the room. It was challenging for you to adjust to having a new baby in the house since you had been the baby for 3 years, but overall, I think you've done a great job of welcoming your little sister into your life.

You like to talk all the time. Sometimes, you get to talking so fast that your mouth can't keep up with your thoughts and you start stuttering. You always want a response to everything you tell us and if we don't respond immediately, you'll get upset and start yelling, "I SAID ....." You preface almost every message that you give me with "Mommy, I need to tell you somefin." It's awfully cute.

I can't believe that it has been 4 years. I feel like you've been a part of me forever. Gavin, I need to tell you somefin: I love you more than I ever would have imagined. You are my special brown eyed boy who can melt my heart with a single look. Happy Birthday Big Boy!!

Love,

Mommy