Thursday, October 15, 2009

Happy Number 6 Caedon!!

I remember what I was doing at this time exactly 6 years ago. I was rocking in the hospital rocking chair, squeezing your Daddy's hand and trying to breathe through the pain. I was trying to calmly tell myself that this would soon be over and the reward, my new son, would be worth the pain I was going through. Six hours later, it was over and you were here.

Our first child was here. Life hasn't been the same since. Life has felt harder and more difficult than ever before. The world is a scarier place than I ever thought it could be. My desire to put you in a protective bubble gets stronger everyday. I would do anything to keep you from feeling pain...ANYTHING! At the same time, life has also never felt more full, complete, wonderful, funny, and amazing since you've been here. When I get to see the world through your eyes, everything seems brighter, more exciting and I am awestruck.

You are so smart and come up with the most amazing things everyday. Just the other day, you and your brother were discussing how "real" and "actual" meant the same thing. Then you quipped, "Yes, but the word actual doesn't flow well with the word school, so I'm going to say my real school, not my actual school." This morning, your Grandma Renee called to wish you a Happy Birthday and Gavin was interrupting you as you talked to her. Finally, you told Grandma to hold on and found out what Gavin wanted. Then, you calmly said to Grandma, "Ok, where were we? My brother just interrupted our talk." Excuse me, when did you turn into a little man and what happened to my baby boy?

Six seems so old. You are not in your "first five" anymore. You are not a preschooler. I've joked with you so many times this year that you need to stop here, just stay five forever. But, you keep on growing up with such determination, just like you do everything! You are a school-ager now. Your kindergarten teacher told us that you are doing so well in school and not having transition problems at all. Once again, you have surprised me with your ability to grow and change.

Your Daddy and I quite frequently find ourselves looking at each other, shaking our heads as we laugh at this crazy brood of kids we are raising. We have a bustling, crazy, chaotic household most days. But, we wouldn't trade this life for anything else. We have a beautiful bunch of kids and you are the leader of the pack! Life would not be complete without you Caedon. Our family wouldn't be complete without you! Now that I'm looking back at myself in that rocker six years ago, I would tell myself with all certainty to push through because the reward is SO WORTH IT!!!!

Happy Birthday Boo Bah! I love you more than the whole world!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Love is in the Mundane

Several of the "mom bloggers" that I read always post a special "Love Thursday" post on Thursdays. I'm new enough to the blogging world that I haven't been able to find the origins, but I love the concept. So, I thought I would offer up my own Love Thursday post.

Love can be displayed through grandiose gestures and it has been in my life many times. Family vacations, special gifts, songs written just for me, to name a few. But, I realize that most of the love that seeps through is in the mundane parts of life.

Last night, the boys were up too late and they were tired. Dan and I were trying to muster the energy to start the bedtime routine, but also relishing in the quiet moments with them. As they both told Dan about their time at the fountain and the bee in Caedon's hair, I was overcome with how much I love these boys, how my life would not be complete without them. They both leaned over a few times to tell me that they loved me and give me a big hug. We laughed about silly jokes. It was lovely. Looking in from the outside, it didn't appear to be anything special, but it was a moment where God grabbed my heart and reminded me that I'm right in the middle of a love story.

There are so many worries in life and so much to fret over. I can be the queen of worrying and fretting. Yet, as I was reminded last night and virtually all the time, I have nothing to complain or fret over. I have an amazing husband who works hard for his family and challenges himself to be a better man all the time (he's already the best man I know). I have 3 of the most awesomely made children ever. Sure, they bicker and fight and even Aislynn can talk back to me in her own little baby language. But, they know how to love, I've seen them show great compassion and I already see the footprints of God all over their little hearts. And I have a God who is ever-patient and gracious with me and continues to grab my heart and remind me that I am part of the greatest, most masterfully planned love story of all time.

Happy Love Thursday everyone. Hope you are able to find love in the most mundane moments of your day.

Monday, July 13, 2009

This Little Piggy

Has it really been almost 2 months since I last posted? My hubby keeps nagging me to write some stories down, but I've just been so busy. I finished up my job as Preschool Director on June 16th and have been enjoying being a full-time stay at home mom all while looking for another part-time job. This is not really the economy to be looking for a part-time, well-paying job, by the way.

Anyway, I wanted to share a cute little story with the blog world. The other morning, Gavin and Aislynn were sitting with me on the couch. I was playing with Aislynn's toes and reciting the "Little Piggy" rhyme. Gavin decided he wanted to do it too. Here's how his rhyme went:

Gavin: This little piggy (the big toe) stayed home.
Mom: Isn't that the piggy that goes to the market?
Gavin: No...the big toe is the Daddy toe and Daddies don't go shopping. They stay home.
Gavin: This little piggy goes to the market (the next toe). This little piggy had NO ROAST BEEF (middle toe).
Mom: I thought that was the one that did eat roast beef.
Gavin: No, Caedon doesn't like meat. The next toe eats the roast beef. And this little piggy (the pinky toe) goes "WaaWaaWaa" all the way home because that's Aislynn and she's a baby.

Apparently, the members of our family can be summed up in the 5 Little Piggies rhyme. I promise to write more of the wonderful and witty things that my children say soon.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Family Beach Trip

Our family took a day trip to Cannon Beach yesterday. It was Aislynn's first trip. She loved the sand, even tasted it a few times (YUCK!). We had a great time!!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Depth of Gavin's Love

Every that's not accurate...several times a day, Gavin and I have the following discussion:

G: Mom, I love you.
M: I love you too, Gavin.
G: I love you the most.
M: I love you the most too.
G: I love you better than the most.
M: OK...
G: I love you better than the mostest most!!!!!
M: OK, Gavin.

So the other night, I was taken off guard when I kissed Gavin goodnight and he didn't start with the normal banter. Instead he whispered to me:

G: Mommy, come here. I have to tell you somefin.
M: Yes, Gavin?
G: (Long pause) I love you more than God, but don't tell will hurt His feelings!

What a sweet boy I've got!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Life is Fragile

These last few weeks I've been wrestling with the fragility of life. The same day that we were celebrating Gavin's 4th year of life, these amazing parents were losing their baby ( The Spohrs have been on my mind a lot lately. Their beautiful baby girl was healthy and happy on Sunday, and then gone on Tuesday. It is scary. I want to hold my babies all night long. I want to do whatever is in my power to make sure that they all outlive me. But, it is not up to me.

Thinking about Maddie so much has really caused me to think about God. It is easy to believe that heaven is there and that God is waiting for us when we are not being faced with death. Or more importantly, when we are not losing a child to death. I know that this life is temporary for all of us. I believe with all my heart that God has a better place for us...that his son has died to make that place available to us. I know in my heart that as much as I love my kids, my beautiful babies, my love fails in comparison to the God that created them. And so, I am forced to remember that the God that loves me, the Jesus that died for me, loves the children that leave this world seemingly too soon.

So, my heart is with the Spohrs, even though I only know them through the blog world. And even as I cry now writing this and my heart aches for Maddie's parents who are forced to find a way in this life without her, I can also see her in my heart. She is with the One who created her, the one who loves her more than Mike and Heather could. I hope to meet Maddie someday. In the meantime, I know that she is lighting up heaven with that beautiful smile of hers.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Happy 4th Birthday Gavin!!

I still remember meeting you for the first time...when they put you right up on my stomach. You settled in, took deep breaths, and grabbed onto my finger. We stayed like that for awhile.

You had a really bad case of acid reflux when you were a baby. It took 4 months and a trip to the Feeding Disorder Clinic at Emmanuel Children's Hospital to finally diagnose you. Basically, it hurt every time you would eat, so you would only eat about an ounce and then start screaming and writhing around. Within about 1/2 hour, you'd be hungry again and we'd start the process all over again. My heart was breaking for you everyday...I didn't want you to hurt and I couldn't make it better. They put you on Zantac at 4 months which lessened the problem, but didn't cure it and then when you started sitting up at 6 months, it miraculously fixed itself. Your personality did a complete turnaround.

You were such a happy baby after that. You loved to watch your brother play around you and desperately wanted to join in. Caedon pretty much ignored you for the first few months of your life, but once you started sitting up and laughing, he suddenly took in interest in you. He would bring you toys to play with and get right in your face and smile at you. You would laugh and laugh at him.

When you were about 2 1/2 years old, you developed a stubborn streak. You had been pretty even tempered up to that point, but all of the sudden, you wanted everything to be your way. You are like that to this day. You will argue with us until we finally back down and then, only once you have "won" the argument, you'll look at us and say, "Actually, I think you were right." Even though you are the younger brother, you hold your own with Caedon. You are best friends and love to be around each other. In fact, when one of you is gone, the other one isn't quite sure what to do with themselves. Even though you love to be with each other all the time, you still fight A LOT. It can be pretty draining on Mommy and Daddy, but I'm still so happy that you two are so close in age and so tight with each other. You will always have an advocate and friend to confide in.

You are such an amazing big brother to Aislynn. The two of you have a special bond. You take the extra time to get down on her level and play with her and make faces for her. She just adores you and gets sad when you leave the room. It was challenging for you to adjust to having a new baby in the house since you had been the baby for 3 years, but overall, I think you've done a great job of welcoming your little sister into your life.

You like to talk all the time. Sometimes, you get to talking so fast that your mouth can't keep up with your thoughts and you start stuttering. You always want a response to everything you tell us and if we don't respond immediately, you'll get upset and start yelling, "I SAID ....." You preface almost every message that you give me with "Mommy, I need to tell you somefin." It's awfully cute.

I can't believe that it has been 4 years. I feel like you've been a part of me forever. Gavin, I need to tell you somefin: I love you more than I ever would have imagined. You are my special brown eyed boy who can melt my heart with a single look. Happy Birthday Big Boy!!



Friday, April 3, 2009

Gavin's Other Parent

After Gavin got put in time out for tormenting his brother, I went down to the basement to get the dry laundry. When I came back up, Caedon met me at the top of the stairs with this information:

"Mommy, don't worry. I had a long conversation with Gavin just now. I told him that he shouldn't throw fits because then kids will think he's a baby. I told him to remember this conversation for a long time. Then I told him he could come out of his time out now that we had this important conversation. So, now I know how to have important conversations and I can talk to Gavin every time he's in time out so that he knows what is right or wrong."

I replied, "Whose job is that? To talk to Gavin?"

Caedon very quickly responded, "Well, Yours, BUT I'm a big kid now and big kids can have important conversations to keep little kids knowing about what's right and wrong. You need my help, now that I'm a big kid."

I didn't have it in me to argue and didn't see Gavin anywhere, so I went into check on him in his room. He immediately looked at me and said, "Caedon said I could come out, but I decided to wait for you."

"Good choice, Gavin."

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Happy 1st Birthday Aislynn!!

(Eating your Birthday Cookie with Frosting)

I can't believe that it was a year ago that I met you for the first time. You came into the world quickly once the doctor told me that the cord was wrapped around your neck and your heartrate was dropping. I pushed, breathed, pushed, breathed, pushed, breathed without taking the usual break in between contractions. After about 10 of these pushes in a row, you came into the world! You were so tiny...the tiniest of all 3 of my preemie babies.

I could already tell that you were different than your brothers. Your cries were not nearly as loud or as frequent. You were wide awake, but calm and serene for the first 8 hours of your life. Then you slept most of the night.

You've kept that same disposition for this first year of your life. You seem perfectly content to be along for the ride. As long as you're included, you're happy. Sure, you have opinions and you let us know them, but usually you are pretty happy and mild tempered.

I was terrified to have a third child. I thought that I couldn't possibly handle another person demanding so much of my attention and energy. Thank God that He knew better than me. My life would never have been complete without you in it. You are a gift from God that I desperately needed.

Sometimes it is scary to think about you growing up into a woman...this is even harder for your daddy. I can tell when he looks at you that he would literally eat burning hot nails if it meant keeping you from any pain or heartache. Ultimately, we will have to trust the One who gave you to us. My prayer for you is that your heart will always be captivated first and foremost by the God that created you. May you always know your beauty in the eyes of your Father.

We love you Sweet Girl. And we are so glad that you are part of our family!



Saturday, March 7, 2009

New Haircut

I got my hair cut and colored today. It took 2 heavenly quiet and peaceful hours of me sitting and having someone take care of me, for a change.

I no longer feel like an overworked and underpaid mom. At least not for the rest of today!!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Gavin's Interpretation

Yesterday, Gavin was sitting next to me while I was holding Aislynn on my lap. We were all having fun singing songs when Gavin got carried away and kept getting right up in Aislynn's face. Finally, she was fed up and put out her hand and pushed him away.

"Looks like she's saying that she wants you to back away and give her some space, Gav." I said.

"No mom. She's saying, 'I love you Gavin and I want to touch your face.'"

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Caedon's a Heart-breaker

An adorable little blonde girl in Caedon's preschool class has a crush on him. She brings him drawings and notes everyday that she made at home for him, she writes that she loves him on her notes, she asks him to hold her hand. And he...well, he's completely clueless.

Last week, she brought him a picture that she had obviously worked for a long time to color (everything was colored in the lines and she had used about 25 different colors). "Here Caedon. I made this special picture for you at home." she said. "Huh?" Caedon responded, "Just go put it in my cubby."

When I picked him up and asked why his friend colored him a picture, he responded, "I guess I'm the only one who is nice to her." For the record, this is an adorable girl with lots of friends at school. When I asked if he wanted to color a picture for her, he said, "Sure. I'll color a Speed Racer picture so she knows what I like."

Today, when we got to school a little late, there were 5 pictures for Caedon in his cubby. Later during class, the teacher reported that the little girl wrote Caedon a note on some pretty paper with pictures of pink shoes on it. She even asked the teacher how to spell his name and wrote "I Heart You." When she presented it to Caedon, he took one look at it and said, "I don't want that. It's got girl shoes on it." The teacher said, "Caedon, I think that the message on the note is more important than what's on the paper." Caedon replied, "Well, I don't want a note with girl shoes on it."

Will he be this clueless when he's in high school?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Caedon's Hearing Test

Last week, Caedon had his 5 year check-up at the doctor's office.  Here is his conversation with the nurse as she tried her best to perform a hearing test on him:

Nurse - "Ok, Caedon.  Here is a special button that I want you to push every time you hear a noise coming through those earphones on your head.  Do you understand?"

Caedon - "All right."

Long Pause...........

Nurse - "Did you hear anything?"

Caedon - "Yeah...just a beeeeeeep."  (high-pitched noise)

Nurse - "OK.  Whenever you hear any noise, you need to push the button.  Let's try again."

Long Pause..........

Nurse - "Did you hear anything?"

Caedon - "Yeah....but it was a baaauuump sound." (low-pitched noise)

Nurse - "All right.  Caedon, no matter what the noise sounds like, you need to push the button whenever you hear anything, ok?"

Caedon - "OK"

Long pause............

Nurse - "Did you hear anything?"

Caedon - "Yeah, but it was coming from far away...I think it was in the other room."

Nurse - "Caedon, when you hear any noise, you need to push the button, ok?"

Long pause......

Caedon - (shouts out) "I heard a beeeep."

Long pause.......

Caedon - (shouts out) "I heard something!"

Nurse - (tries to control her laughter) "I guess we'll do this his way." And she continues the test with Caedon shouting out everytime he hears a noise.  

She finishes up the test and Caedon announces, "I'm done doing this now.  It's really boring."